Monday, September 26, 2011

Some of the characters you meet in a boxing gym are hilarious.

Boxing clubs attract a lot of different types. First and foremost you've got the fitness crowd who just enjoy a tough workout. Nothing wrong with them. Next you've got the actual boxers and aspiring boxers. Nothing wrong with them either and it makes perfect sense for them to be there. But then you get into the weirdos...

Self-Defense goobers. These guys are ridiculous. When they shadowbox they throw all these half-assed elbows and shit (along with other illegal nonsense; eye gouges, etc.) and their footwork is retarded. They're not interested in boxing so much as for preparing themselves for "the street." They tend to look like they come from neighbourhoods a lot nicer than mine so I don't know what they're so afraid of but apparently any of these guys could be attacked at any given time and need to be vigilant and ready to defend themselves with a whole lot of dirty tricks because, you know, proper punches are never enough, are they? Every punch these guys throw is meant to take someone's head off and they tend to get tired faster than anyone else. They never get in the ring because all the rules in there would hinder them in all their seriousness. If any of these clowns ever do get into a fight outside of the club, be it in a bar, parking lot, water cooler or just over the hedge with one of their fellow middle-class, corporate cocksucker neighbours, the first punch to the face they take is going to have them frozen with fear. All that streetfighting preparation is bullshit and it's all in their imaginations. It's funny to watch them anyway.

Then you've got the MMA wannabe retards. Tap Out T-shirts and tribal tattoos. They can also be identified by their overly expensive and always brand new training gear. Nothing but the best for these guys. I like listening to them bullshit each other during warmups.
"Who would you rather fight? Mike Tyson in his prime or Brock Lesnar?"
"Oh, Brock Lesnar for sure, bro! All you gotta do is take him down!"
And you can substitute any two names up there. The answer will always the same. All you've got to do is take them down, apparently. They tend not to get in the ring either but love to talk about what they did earlier in the day or week at any of the other gyms they go to. They hit the bag with all kinds of fancy fucktardedness that looks almost like they just tripped over something and are trying to use the bag to keep from falling down.

I don't know what the people from either of these groups are actually looking for but it can't be boxing. Maybe they just train where they do because it's cheap and what they'd rather be doing is too expensive. Or maybe they just like the air of superiority they think they're feeling when surrounded by a bunch of mere boxers from the ghetto. I do know that these guys are clowns and if they made use of the training that they have right there at their fingertips it would do them a lot more good than what they're pretending to do. They're kind of like Happy Gilmore in that they deny the sport that they're in so they can entertain fantasies about being something they're not.

He's not a golfer. He's a hockey player!